Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize