Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
