If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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