Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
