Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
