Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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