you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
