He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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