Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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