So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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