you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
