Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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