Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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