Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
