She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
