and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
