he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
