I can't breathe out the right side of my face
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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