we'll go far in life on tits alone.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
