Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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