Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(