The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i came on her dog
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.