brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
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He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...