I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.