It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby