Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
