Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
