This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize