I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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