My liver just broke up with me...
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
