I think I won the penis lottery.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
