Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
