Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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