You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
