so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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