I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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