yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
