i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
