Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
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Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
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I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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