wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
