Umm I'm too high to move.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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