this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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