I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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