youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just fell off a train. Bad.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
