addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
