I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize