Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
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I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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