Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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