I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
