she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
