so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
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So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
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I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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