I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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