Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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