Please, let me fuck your mom
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
