tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize