you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
