I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
