I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize