So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
