that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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