I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize